A wandering mind is a dangerous thing.

Ever since I visited India and saw monkeys in the "wild", I've been obsessed with the thought of feeding a monkey a donut, easily one of the funniest imagesI can think of. It's not like it would be the worst thing someone has done to one of these animals (outside of Mumbai, I watched as a boy went up to a money sitting on a railing and give it a good smack.....predictably, it went nuts and started lunging at people, howling and baring it's teeth). I may even go to hell for doing this, but if you're going to be damned, it's important to have a good reason.

Well, it turns out I wasn't the only person with this idea....

http://www.acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_pages/0025-0507-3112-0725.html

If I were to do this, however, I wouldn't be charging anyone nearly $300 for a copy of the photo. No sir-ee, I'd distribute the photo for free, sharing my vision with the world, helping make children smile and the infirmed forget their condition. Also, I wouldn't use a spider monkey; observation of this species at the local zoo has revealed that the females possess grotesque genitalia (i.e. an almost prehensile vulva) that would really detract from any comedic effect. A monkey such as the macaque (what I saw in India) would be much funnier. Also, a gem donut just doesn’t cut it....it has to be a full size donut, maybe a plain cake donut or a French cruller. I like donuts with coconut sprinkles, but I think monkeys like to keep clean and I always get coconut all over myself.

Here is a link to a Japanese donut chain, Mister Donut (pronounced mis-ta donatsu in Japanese);

http://www.misterdonut.jp/index.html

I must say that the donuts look mightily delicious here; the Japanese seem to have surpassed us in yet another critical technology, perhaps with the aid of “just-in-time” supply of pastry fillings, or with special donut-producing robotic devices (I believe the Krispy Kreme donut machine utilizes only mid-20th century processing expertise). An especially funny variation of the feeding-donuts-to-a-monkey fantasy: when in Japan next year, rent a monkey (anyone have a lead here? Maybe my guidebook will have some pertinent listings…..), enter a Mister Donut, and yell at the donut serfs “Saru wa donatsu ga tabetai! Ima donatsu ga motte kitte! (translation: Monkey wants to eat donuts! Bring donuts now!). Maybe I’ll have to settle on a stuffed monkey toy, but come to think of it, that might be even more insane……..