Tongue-containing foods

Yesterday I smoked a turkey with my friend Dan; we started the turkey at 8:30 a.m., and were finished by 4:30 (there was some worry that we wouldn’t have it cooked in time for dinner, since every single recipe for smoked turkey that I found had a different cooking time, from 4 to 10 hours). During the smoking marathon, we headed over to the Alpine Sausage Kitchen to pick up lunch. Dan bought some A.S.K.-made salami, while I stuck with the standard bratwurst. But as usual, I wanted to try something new, so I picked up a couple of slices of tongue-blood sausage (just to be daring). If you get by the appearance (pictured below), it isn’t too bad, although I’m not sure I’d buy it on a regular basis.



After trying a bit of this sausage, a guest at dinner related his recent experience with a tongue burrito, which he recommended I taste. So today I headed over to “Taqueria Mexico” to order a “burrito lengua”. Again, it was OK, but I was a little disturbed by how the tongue was not peeled and still had all of its papillae. Your food shouldn’t be able to French you while you eat it. I’ve been telling friends for some time now that when tongue is cooked, the skin is always removed; my credibility will be going down a few notches now. Here’s a picture of the half-eaten burrito (I didn’t finish it), showing a piece of the tongue with skin (I apologize for the blurriness):

Weekend shopping

This weekend I spent quite a bit of time shopping; not for clothes but for guitar parts and sausages (amongst other things). I started off by heading over to the Honda dealer to look at the new Honda Fit (a possible replacement for Mr. Honda if he were to catch on fire or be riddled with bullets). This car, besides being very practical, has received good reviews and is supposed to be fun to drive (I probably wouldn’t think of getting a subcompact, but his one seems pretty decent). Anyway, I was tagged by a sales agent there who sat me down and started filling out some sort of form wile trying to sell me car. After it became clear to him that I wasn’t there to buy a car that day (I thought I made it pretty clear from the start), he folded up his paper, threw it away, and took me out to see one of these cars. Apparently they are in high demand; they won’t even take orders for them. Anyway, I’m the kind of guy who annoys car salesmen by doing my research and telling them I’d have no problem flying to another state to save $10, just to stick it to a car salesman.

Then it was off to the Alpine Sausage Kitchen to pick up some German-style sausage. A customer there corrected my German pronunciation when I was giving my order; this is embarrassing considering I took a total of 4 years of German and have visited that country three times.

I also hit a local bakery, The Golden Crown. Although this place is pretty famous (I’ve seen it featured on The Food Network), I’ve never been there, even though it’s five minutes from my apartment. Another embarrassment. Anyway, The Golden Crown is famous for Green Chile Bread; I bought a loaf but was very surprised to find out that it cost $8. It was tasty, but I’m not going to buy $8 bread every week. The place was cool, with an ancient bread oven (it had to be at least 50 years old), but the fact that they sell pizza (which I was not aware of until my visit) broke the charm a bit. Kind of like going to France and visiting a traditional cheesemaker but finding out they also sell frozen yogurt.

For guitar parts, I went over to Grandma’s Music and Sound. A decent place, but unfortunately over on the west side (for those of you not from the area, that’s the west side of the Rio Grande; it’s where most of the new development in Albuquerque is happening; ). I wanted to pick up some new pickups for my Telecaster. Apparently I went to the right place because there is a guy there who owns 27 Telecaster guitars and was able to steer me in the right direction.

I will be doing some customization of my Telecaster; in a few weeks I should have it done and will post a picture of it here. It'll be the only guitar in existence that combines country twang (as the Telecaster is famous for) with Bollywood glitter.

Oddities of the world

If you’re looking for something crazy, go no farther. The argument about pet self esteem is a bit wacky…..I never knew that they could be sensitive about their packages. And if you’re strapped for some Christmas gift ideas, check out the merchandise section. The pendent necklace is especially classy.

The garlic verdict

So the candied garlic was eaten. Surprisingly, every bit of it. Wally tried it first, and declared that it didn’t really taste too bad. He had another piece, and then others at the table had to give it a shot, including myself. It was edible, but I have to say that I probably won’t make it again (later my stomach rebelled). And the last piece? Eaten by Wally and his iron stomach.

Some new activity

This weekend Wally and Paula are in Albuquerque. Friday I had dinner with them; somehow the idea of candied garlic came up. When something ridiculous like that is mentioned, it’s hard for me to bypass giving it a try. So tonight I whipped up a batch. Wally will be giving it a taste tomorrow during breakfast.

I also made a new bet today. The bet is over the differentiation of dog vs. human snacks; I will select six different snacks (3 human, 3 dog); my opponent must correctly identify which snack goes with each species based on appearance and smell (although I wouldn’t complain if taste became involved also). The wager is lunch.

Another activity: making lime sorbet today. I had forgotten to put the ice cream maker insert into the freezer last night, so I tried mixing crushed dry ice into the sorbet liquid. The verdict: it worked OK, rapidly freezing the sorbet (although I had to finish it off in the freezer). A key factor seems to be the amount of dry ice, as well as the fineness of the crush (you don’t need too much, and it should be as powdered as possible; I ended up having to lift out some large chunks of solid CO2 from the sorbet). The evaporating gas seems to fluff up the sorbet nicely. But don’t forget that dry ice is extremely cold, and if the sorbet is completely frozen by the dry ice, you need to let it warm up a bit so you don’t burn yourself.

1500 calories of meat product

A while back, I mentioned a bet that I had won against Sean regarding the age of his father-in-law’s tractor. Well, Sean has finally fulfilled his wager and eaten a pound of canned Vienna sausages (including the broth that they are packed in). It was an inhuman scene, but Sean was brave and finished it all (well, I did have one sausage, and his daughter had a few bites, but Sean was by himself on the broth, which he had to slurp from a plate since all his bowls had been packed away for his move back east). Sean tried adding barbeque sauce to improve the flavor, but I’m not sure that helped. Ironically, today at Love’s, I noticed that you can buy Vienna sausages in different sauces and flavors, including barbeque (truckers must be quite the connoisseurs of canned meats to demand such a variety of flavors).

I forgot my camera, so there are no pictures, but video was taken so there is a permanent record of the event.

As an aside, when buying the sausages, I looked at the ingredient label for “Potted Meat”; I really am curious as to what “partially defatted cooked pork fatty tissue” and “partially defatted cooked beef fatty tissue” is. Maybe that’s the stuff left over when fat scraps are sent to the rendering plant to be made into soap?

A temporary lapse....

I've been bad about updating here, but I promise more will be forthcoming soon....

What I saw on my bike ride today

Elephants hiding behind some trees.



A future home for endangered fish.



Fields of chili plants.



A (blurry) roadrunner.

A distant wasteland.

The underside of a train.

A junkyard full of VWs.

A little visitor

The other night I had a spot of Bourbon; as I often do, I didn’t quite finish the glass, leaving a bit of the alcohol in the bottoms. I left the glass on my stove…..the next evening, I found this in it:



In case you can’t quite identify what’s in the glass, it’s a two inch centipede that crawled in and died (either from drowning or alcohol poisoning). As gross as this is, I’m more disconcerted by the idea that a centipede could one day crawl on me while sleeping or zoning out in front of the TV.

A dietary issue you'll probably not have to deal with

I’ve been reading "Pickled, Potted, Canned: How the Art and Science of Food Preserving Changed the World" (Sue Shepard)...it’s been an interesting read, but I think it’s missed some important (or at least interesting) information. For instance, no where does it even mention lutefisk. Another item of note regards something that I learned when researching botulism poisoning (in preparation for my pepperoni-making experiment.....it failed miserably, yielding a funny tasting overly dried sausage stick). Apparently, Alaskan natives eat quite a bit of fermented meat. Fermentation under anaerobic conditions (like in a jar or tupperware container, instead of the traditional hole in the ground) encourages the growth of Clostridium bacteria...these are the suckers responsible for producing the toxin that causes botulism. This practice has led to a number of botulism poisonings, including this one......get this.....from eating fermented beaver paw and tail.

As an aside, I just got "Here come the warm jets" by Brian Eno in the mail (ordered on Amazon, where I pick up about 95% of my music these days)....it’s easily the best album I’ve purchased in quite a while.

Lung diseases, the element Si, and outer apparel

I was over at the John Brook’s again tonight, picking up some diet tonic water; the checker who rang me up was complaining to another employee about smelling "pneumonia" in some container that she had opened. I didn’t say anything, but maybe I should’ve. At work, I correct people for making similar mistakes, although there I think that’s my duty. A common mistake I hear is confusion between ‘silicon’, ‘silica’, and ‘silicone’. Silicon is the element, the stuff they make transistors and computer chip out of. Silica is silicon dioxide (formula SiO2); basically sand. And silicone is the polymer that is often associated with breast implants (if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know what I think of those) but is in many other useful day-to-day items such as bathtub caulk or those new-fangled rubbery baking trays (the latter taking advantage of the excellent heat resistance of silicones). The monomer present in silicon is -Si(CH3)2-O-, although other organic groups can take the place of the -CH3.

Anyway, a checker at John Brook’s recently complained that I never said anything. I explained that I was quiet, but the real reason (I’m definitely not quiet) is that I don’t like to small talk too much. In fact, I’m downright bad at small talk. In Vegas, I’ve tried to chat with my fellow Blackjack players about the luck of players at the table, or some similar shallow topic, but I just end up falling on my face socially.

Speaking of small talk, the temperature here has taken a sudden downfall. I love the fall....I really like this slight chilliness (well, at least at night... the day is still 70 degrees here), the crispness of the air, the smell of turning leaves. But an issue I’ve been dealing with related to fall is my need for a new jacket appropriate to this season. I’ve got a jacket that is reasonable comfortable, but it’s kind of a middle-aged man’s jacket (in fact, I saw a middle-aged guy earlier this year wearing the very same coat). I tossed out my Dickie’s jackets. I liked those quite a bit, but they were falling apart and on their last legs. New Dickie’s jackets all have a Dickie’s logo on the front, which I don’t like. I enjoyed the anonymous style of these jackets; I don’t want to be accused of wearing a fashion jacket. So now I’m stuck; I want a light coat that is hip, but not trendy. And I’m not ready to be middle-aged yet (even when in middle-age, I hope to maintain some semblance of fashion sense. If anyone catches me wearing something like this, please shoot me).

What's at the grocery store

This evening I wandered over to the grocery store across the street to pick up some beer (I was in the mood for a brew); I don’t think I’ve actually ever purchased any malted beverage at "John Brooks", but there’s always a first time I guess. Out of curiosity, I wandered down the cold case to the "swill" section to see if they still sell some of the budget brands I remember so fondly stocking at Safeway. For $6.59, you can pick up a half rack of Hamm’s Light or Premium (I was shocked to find that the Premium was the same price as the Light! Are they crazy? I’m surprised they haven’t gone out of business yet!)....you may remember Hamm’s as "From the Land of Sky Blue Water". They still have that slogan, but I think they got rid of the cartoon bear. If you’re feeling a bit spendy, for only 50 cents more you can upgrade yourself to Pabst or Schaefer (as an aside, Pabst sells their beer in China....it’s pretty much the worst beer I’ve ever had). But then, if it’s a special occasion, you can splurge on Old Milwaukee (only $8.99/12 pack). If that’s a bit rich for your blood, Milwaukee’s Best is only $7.99 for the half rack. Not only is it the "Best", it’s also a whole $1.00 less than its competitor. How can you go wrong!

My theory is that all of these beers are exactly the same, except for the label on the can. They’re all brewed at one of a handful of breweries, along with the other similar beers such as Olympia, Schlitz, Animal Beer (a.k.a. Schmidt), etc. Can anyone seriously tell the difference between these? I think there’s an experiment brewing (no pun intended) here.

As I was leaving the store, I walked past the security guard; he was standing on the sidewalk, having a smoke. Except it wasn’t the normal kind of tobacco. My feeling is that it wouldn’t be too hard to slip a few items past this guy.

In case you're wondering, I bought some "Bridgeport IPA". Those other beers are for comedic effect, not for drinking.

A big update

What I’ve been listening recently.....

1) "Best of the JB’s"
2) "Eddie Bo.....The Hook and Sling" (kind of a New Orleans version of James Brown....very funky, even if Eddie Bo looks kind of like a Russ Troll Doll)
3) Say Hi to Your Mom
4) My Bloody Valentine...."Loveless". One of my all-time favorite albums.
5)Black Eye Peas...."Elephunk". A great album.
6) Corrine Bailey Rae. A super album, recommended by a friend with great taste (thanks for the lead!) who would probably agree with me that "The Toadies" suck. Wait.....that’d be most of my friends......
7) The Velvet Underground & Nico

Today I went into Kmart. I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to make themselves look worse that Walmart. And with limited claw machine options to boot. But at least it’s not crowded.

I received my 3.5 gt Le Crueset Braising Pan yesterday....I gave it a test run tonight with "Kecap manis chicken with star anise and orange peel". Incredibly tasty....I would even go so far to say it was the best chicken I’ve had in an incredibly long time. Kecap manis is an Indonesian condiment that’s basically a thick (chocolate syrup-like) soy sauce sweetened with palm sugar; it’s also a precursor for our western ‘Ketchup’, that most balanced in flavor of all modern condiments. I’d have to say that I’m a big condiment man...I’m a sucker for a good sauce or relish (but then, some would say I’m just a sucker).

Finally, here is a screen shot from "Disco Dancer", that Indian film I was raving about recently. Did you know if you went to a club here in the U.S., and started dancing Indian-movie style, you’d get your ass kicked?




Also, I haven’t really related this story to many people, but I was an extra in an Indian film called "Nothing but Life". I wasn’t dancing, but rather I was practicing my golf. Ask me sometime for the details.

Fashionable eyewear for your furry friend

If you're in need of some amusement, check out the following website:

http://www.doggles.com/about_doggles.html

A BAD KEYBOARD ARRANGEMENT

Why, on a keyboard, is the "Caps Lock" key in between the "Shift" and "Tab" keys? I can't stop hitting the "Caps Lock" key....it should be switched with "Tab".

A short trip log will be posted shortly.....

Why America's cats are getting fat

Carless pt. 2

I’ve been getting back into riding my bike, a consequence of the two days I had no other transportation (today I went on a 25 mile trek, and last night I went on a ca. 5 mile midnight ride along the bosque……I love riding at night); I’m going to try and bring my camera to document some of the things that I see. Here are some sights of note, all within a few miles of my place….

The Rio Grande is just a few miles away (the bosque is the area along the banks of the river).



No, the river isn’t chocolate, like Willy Wonka’s river. It’s just a bit on the muddy side.

The Atomic Museum moved into the old REI building in Old Town, a temporary home until a new building is constructed somewhere else. They’ve erected a Redstone missile in front of the Museum; it’s been pretty controversial to some of the residents of the area. In my opinion, the t-shirt shops have already ruined Old Town. The missile is there only temporarily, and it’s actually an important part of our history. Besides, this rocket was also used to send the first Americans into space….I found that pretty surprising, given it’s small size.



Finally, this locomotive is being restored and will, in a few years, pull passengers on trips from the “Wheels” museum, if that place is ever actually built.

Does William Shatner have a toupee?

Last Sunday was the “Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner”. It had it’s moments, but I thought that too much of the humor involved jokes about George Takei’s homosexuality. George Takei thought it was all funny, and I guess some of the jokes were amusing, but it seemed that card was played way too much. Andy Dick was as strange as ever. Betty White was old. The big news, however, was how unfunny Farrah Fawcet was. It’s not only that she can’t tell a joke; she never seemed to laugh at anything (of course, there were a few boners.....no pun intended......sent in her direction). I can’t say I ever drooled over Farrah Fawcet, but not being funny has made her pretty unattractive to me.

I've got skills.....

I made a rare trip to Walmart the other night; while there, I noticed that the Portrait Studio had a sign in front of it that said “closed for disinfection”. You think that you’re taking your child in for a lasting memory, but instead you get a skin fungus or maybe even pink eye.

I played $2 in the 25¢ claw machine, and won 3 stuffed animals. One thing Walmart is good for is their large selection of claw machines, making it a fine place for a claw machine ace such as myself to show off my skill.

Did you know.......

The closest living relative to whales and dolphins is the hippopotamus?

Too much Star Trek viewing

Tonight I was watching “Star Trek: NG”: Lt. Worf , while part of an “away team” on a planet riddled with electrical interference, stated that his tricorder was “dysfunctional”. Does that mean it was engaging in passive-aggressive behavior, or maybe it was continuously belittling the operator? If I were the script editor, I would’ve picked another way of describing the situation……

Christmas shopping idea....

Near where I live, there are two different truck stops within a 5 minute drive (my proximity would come in handy if I ever wanted to procure a $10 blow job from one of the so-called “lot lizards”). Of the two, “Love’s” is defiantly the kookiest. Besides snacks and sandwiches (there’s an integral Subway located inside), they sell lots of trinkets and gift items (glass animals, NASCAR hats, stuffed animals, etc.) as well as trucker supplies. Amongst the last category are appliances that can run off your cigarette lighter. The most ridiculous of these is easily the frying pan. I don’t think I need to describe why this is probably a horrible idea. “Oh, I’m sorry officer……..I didn’t see the stop sign because I was flipping my pancakes. Could I interest you in a sausage patty?”.

After checking with my car insurance company to be certain that my policy covered grease fires, I went over to Love’s to pick up one of these fry pans. And they no longer stocked them! But they did have a pizza oven: the box said (I’m not making this up, like I did the desire to buy the frying pan) “It’s like having a pizzeria in your vehicle!”.

A good story for a nerd party

At one time, the English language had four letters not found today. Only one of those letters survived into Middle English (i.e. the time of Chaucer), the letter ‘thorn’, written as ‘Þ' and pronounced as ‘th’. Eventually this letter was modified by scribes so that it looked like ‘y’ (I’ve also heard that the first printing type in England came from continental Europe and didn’t have a ‘Þ’, so the letter was replaced in printing with ‘y’.....I don’t know which story is true, although the shift in the character definitely happened). That’s the origin of the mock archaic word ‘ye’ as in “Ye Olde Curiosity Shop”; because the ‘y’ was really a ‘th’, the ‘ye’ should actually be pronounced ‘the’.

Carless pt. 3

Here's what happened when I went to pick up my car on Saturday........the account is from the letter that I sent to the Service Manager at Garcia Honda (as well as the General Manager and also Honda Customer Service). Hopefully it's not too rambling. It was one of those experiences that you can't believe is happening becasue it's so ridiculous.

Dear General Manager,

On Saturday, August 12, I picked up my vehicle from your department after (amongst other work) the installation of a new starter. As I was preparing to leave, I discovered that my electric locks were no longer functioning. Also, my passive security system (a remote button that must be pressed to enable the ignition; the same button also remotely operates the door locks) was not operating. It appeared to me that it may have been disabled, a logical step in troubleshooting the problem with my car (my car, a 1993 Accord, would not start and I had to have it towed to your location).

I reached under the dash to pull down the security system box, to make sure that all cables were in place. Along with the box, a disconnected wire harness that I did not recognize dropped down.

I alerted your service representative, Mr. X, and he came over to look at the problem. What followed I consider to be one of the worst examples of customer service I have ever encountered. Mr. X explained to me that if there was a problem with my security system, then I’d have to go to an alarm shop to have them look at it. I tried to get my point across that the system was fully functional before I had the car dropped off (as evidenced by the remote operation of the electric locks, even if the car would not start). He countered that my system was old, and that you had no wiring diagram for it, so there was nothing that could be done. When pressed, Mr. X offered (apparently to humor me)to have it looked at when I brought my car in for a tune-up that I have scheduled for August 23rd. He also brought up, as evidence of problems with my security system that were out of Garcia Honda’s control, a totally irrelevant previous incident in your shop when, after having my thermostat replaced, my car would not start. My security system was initially blamed for that issue, but after nearly two hours of looking at my car (and two extra hours of me sitting in your waiting room), your technician realized he had improperly connected a
component of my car’s electrical system. Even after I corrected his recollection of this incident, Mr. X refused to concede that my problem was caused by Garcia Honda. (To his credit, he did briefly look under my hood, although the wiring harness was in the passenger compartment).

Needless to say, I left in a very negative mood. After returning home, I found a flashlight, got down on the ground, and examined the wiring underneath my dash. Within 60 seconds, I had found the problem: the security system had indeed been bypassed during the servicing of my vehicle. It was quite obvious how the dangling wiring harness connected into my car’s electrical system, and my security system/lock remote now works perfectly fine.

What bothers me is not the mistake that your technician made, but rather, the somewhat condescending attitude of Mr. X and his refusal to even entertain the idea that Garcia Honda might be at fault. If, like the vast majority of the population, I was not mechanically inclined, and actually had to take my car in to another shop, I could have wasted my valuable time (even if, as suggested by Mr. X, Garcia Honda ould have reimbursed me for the expense of the repair if determined to be the fault of Garcia Honda). All for 60 seconds of time with a flashlight!

I’m now debating whether or not to return to your business for my vehicle servicing needs, or to try another organization (i.e. Perfection Honda). I am sure, however, that my experience will weigh upon the minds of my many Honda-owning friends when they ask me for advice as to where to get their vehicle serviced.

Carless pt. 2 should follow soon.....

Carless pt. 1 (a three part story)

On Thursday morning my car wouldn’t start, and I had to get a tow truck to take it to my mechanic. While sitting in the cab of the tow truck (I didn’t know Ford made an ‘F650’), the driver asked me how to spell my name. After I gave him the correct spelling, he stated that he was wondering about my name because the dispatcher had sent him (via a text message) a name that didn’t make any sense to him at all. He showed me the text message…., “Dunphy” was spelled “Donxiy”!

I rode in the tow truck to the mechanic’s, and was subjected to ultra right wing talk radio. I have to admit that I don’t like talk radio in general, but this was especially heinous.

Next: two day with no car

Target playing more games with me

I went to Target today to buy some shampoo, and was once again disappointed to find that they no longer carry the brand that I like (Redken “go clean for men”). Instead of looking all over for this particular hair care product, I decided to try something new. I picked up a bottle of American Crew “Citrus mint” shampoo, along with a bottle of the “Citrus mint” conditioner. I’m sure some will find my choice ridiculous (i.e. SPM), but I’ve often wondered how I could reconcile my love of both Rutaceae and mentha in one formulation. My dream has been fulfilled!

As a related aside, my hair product arrived in the mail this week. However, I didn’t realize that I’d ordered a larger can of forming cream than the one I’ve been using. By my estimate, I have an 18-24 month supply of product now. I’m stalked up for WW III now! Bring it on! My hair will be just fine.....

Speaking of Target, I saw a guy wearing a shirt there that said, in Japanese kanji, "ichiban", which would loosly be translated as "I'm #1!". Didn't those shirts go out in the 70's, or is it cool to recycle cliches, as long as they're in a foreign language that most people can't understand?

Back to the blogging, after a bit of laziness…..

One of my favorite songs on the Zero 7 album “the garden” is “waiting to die”; I love the lines

“Yes, it is true, death is everyone’s fate
But we’ve made it this far, it’s time to celebrate”

I quoted these lines the other day to someone who said she didn’t like to celebrate her birthday.

Miscellanea pt. 1

Here's a list of things that most people probably don't know about me:

Guitars owned: Fender Squire Telecaster, Gibson Standard SG, Fender American Stratocaster (my newest…only bought it because I got a deal I couldn’t refuse)

Guitar Amps: Roland Micro Cube, Fender ’77 Deluxe Reverb (previous owner was Paula Jean Brown, ex-Giant Sand and Go Go’s member)

Can I actually play the guitar?: Not very well

Topics that friends have banned me from talking about at one time or another: Working at Safeway, Cricket (the game), Star Trek

Least smoothest thing I’ve ever done: Dumped a frosted brownie into the lap of a girl at summer camp, frosting side down. Of course, there are many other close contenders. I admit to being smooth only in theory.

Vertebrate animals that I’ve killed: I euthanized a mortally wounded bat once with a shovel.

Interesting animals I’ve seen around my apartment: Roadrunner (a regular visitor), giant puffy toad.

Strangest food I’ve ever eaten: Coagulated duck blood (in Beijing)

Strangest restaurant name I’ve seen: “Donkey Meat City” (also in Beijing)

Easiest way to annoy me: Be both uninteresting and chatty

Clothes that friends have banned me from wearing: “Freon” baseball cap

Superhuman abilities: Immunity to movies about giant or monstrous animals, ability to remember interesting details about people (even if I can’t remember their name), super grooviness.

Most underrated vegetable: Any type of squash (technically a fruit, but close enough)

Sample of music I’ve been listening to recently: Zero 7, The Replacements, Shonen Knife, Iggy Pop, The Geraldine Fibbers, Devo, Boards of Canada, Dusty Springfield “Dusty in Memphis”

Funk is dead

For almost a year, I’ve been reading “Funk: The Music, The People, and The Rhythm of One” by Rickey Vincent; it’s been a slow read because I find his style (hipster music journalist) a bit hard to slog through. Although mush of the content is interesting, I keep finding sweeping generalizations and unfortunate biases that lessen the value of this historical/social narrative. For example, Disco is dismissed as simply a rip-off of black Funk music. While I agree that Funk is a major influence of Disco, I seem to remember from my “History of Pop Music” class that there are many more important influences (for example, Latin music).

While walking through Downtown last night, peeking into clubs and watching the bands within, I got to thinking that a supreme irony of life is that most bands that advertise themselves as “funk” related are actually very unfunky. As is contemporary pop music. Blech!

To change the subject, I’ve been working on a few tricks with my new yo-yo. The bearing axle makes tricks like “Rock the Cradle” much easier because the yo-yo can seemingly sleep forever.

Another internet order

Another admission: I’ve started using hair product. At first it was to tame my cowlick, but now I fear I’m on the slippery slope to Metrosexuality (I also regularly groom my eyebrows, but in my defense it’s only because as I’ve gotten older, I’ve sprouted a few crazy eyebrow hairs that if left unchecked would grow to a point that I could comb them across my forehead to hide my slowly receding hairline.) Anyway, it took me a while to find a product that met my criteria of a matte finish with only a moderate amount of hold (I don’t want plastic hair). But soon after I found this product (American Crew Forming Crème), Target stopped carrying it. I’ve checked all over, and all I can find is either the American Crew Pomade (too shiny) or Fiber Crème (too stiff). So I’ve had to order it on the Internet. What does that say about the direction of my life?

Who put me on this list?

For some reason, Victoria’s Secret keeps sending me cards good for free woman’s underwear; the other day I received an offer for a free cotton panty, along with $10 off any bra (including The Body, which seems to have something to do with Heidi Klum). Actually, I got two of the cards. Somehow my name was duplicated in their data base (albeit with slightly different spellings of my name), allowing me to score twice on my birthday with not one but two $10 gift certificates.

I’ve been thinking it would be funny to go in and redeem one of these cards. Somebody will have to go with me, though, and I’ll be needing a drink or two beforehand. I’ve always wondered what my panty size is……

A slow news weekend

On Friday, I went to a comedy club (somebody at work had free tickets); this was only my second trip to such an establishment. Comedian #1 was OK….his act was definitely inspired by Dennis Miller (he even sounded a bit like the guy). The headliner was definitely talented, with good timing and plenty of skilled impersonations (in addition to some tight guitar playing in one of his bits), but some of his act was a bit tired. How many times have you heard a joke about calling customer service, and getting a guy in India? Also, playing the “gay impersonation” card is a bit old. Finally, he did a segment on Minnesota accents, but his accent wasn’t that good. I’d give him a 6 out of 10.

Other news: I bought a new yo-yo yesterday. I had to order it on the Internet, since I don’t know anyplace around ABQ to buy a bearing-shaft trick yo-yo. Did you know that you can spend almost $100 dollars on a yo-yo? (I didn’t spend nearly that much, of course……I have to save my money for my $40 haircuts).

Not much else going on. I’ve been watching season 2 of the “Rockford Files”. Also, since I finished my book on lobsters, I started a book on the social/historical impact of bananas in America.

Greetings to my fellow Haplorrhina

Today I took great joy in telling people about the Slow Loris; it looks like I’ve picked up a new obsession. For a brief moment, it looked like it was going to be Lobsters (I’m almost done with “The Secret Life of Lobsters”….just as I suspected, it turns out that Maine is now controlled by a society of hybrid Lobster people…that’s the ‘secret’ part of their life) but now my friends of the genus Nycticebus have taken their place as one of my favorite animals (overall, monkeys are still funnier, but they lose a few notches for not being venomous). And to those who say Bush Babies are cuter: truly the Slow Loris is king of all Strepsirrhini primates! (FYI…the opposite of “Strepsirrhini” is “Haplorrhini”…that refers to us, as well as apes and monkeys. I’ll reveal the meaning of these words, which I think are interesting vocabulary, in a future entry, perhaps when I can’t think of anything clever to say. Also, maybe I can find the correct spelling for these words….I’ve looked a few places only to find a few different variations.)

Mammals to avoid in addition to Grizzly Bears

Saturday night saw the topic of platypuses come up; someone claimed that they were the only venomous mammal (the male platypus as poisonous claws on their hind feet). Of course, I’ve investigated further and found that there are actually several mammals that are poisonous. In addition to three or four species of shrews and a shrew-like mammal called a Solenodon, the Slow Loris is also poisonous. For those not up on their zoology, the Slow Loris is a primitive primate that lives in Southeast Asia. The Slow Loris excretes a toxin from a gland near its elbow, making them excellent Roller Derby competitors.

The Slow Loris is very cute, but from what I read, they’re a bit vicious. I think "Slow Loris" would make an excellent band name.

A new neighborhood dining selection

There’s a new taco wagon in the neighborhood, and this weekend I had to go and give it a try. Very authentic; the menu was in Spanish and contained several items that I was not familiar with (although tripitas was one of the taco items….I’ve had this while in Mexico…I’ll leave the specific identity of the ingredient to your imagination). I ordered a burrito, but the lady in the wagon didn’t understand what I said; she turned to talk to her coworker and appeared to have a brief conversation about what I wanted. They then presented a plate with samples of two items for me to choose from in order to avoid any language difficulties. I had the “bistec”, which is some sort of marinated beef. Of course, I was asked if I wanted the chile on the side because I’m not Hispanic. Next time this happens, I’m going to reply “Actually, instead of chile, could I get pickled herring on that burrito?” (pickled herring being about the whitest food I can think of). The burrito was good, and only $2.50 for a small but adequate meal.

The taco wagon is located in front of a bar around the corner from me; most nights loud music can be heard even as far away as outside my apartment (about a block away). An ex-neighbor didn’t like the constant “oom-pah-pah” noise, and complained to the city about the bar several times. He was rewarded by someone leaving a pipe bomb on his truck……no one was hurt, but the truck was in the body shop for a few weeks.

Here’s a picture of the taco wagon, in front of the terrorist bar.



And here’s a miscellaneous picture of my back yard.



The TV pick of the weekend was “Grizzly Man”, a documentary about Timothy Treadwell, the guy who lived amongst the bears in Alaska for 13 seasons only to be eaten by one (he didn’t die alone, however……his girlfriend shared the same fate). Treadwell was definitely a nut; on his video footage, he seems completely manic.

How to get my ass kicked by men in tights

For quite a while I’ve thought it would be funny to get a group of friends together, dress in Star Trek uniforms, and then attend a Renaissance Fair(e). If anyone asked us what we’re doing in out-of-period dress, we could tell them that our ship was caught in a space-time anomaly and was sent back to Earth, ca. 15th century. I could get into some Captain Kirk-like fights against guys with swords; I hear that even the heaviest plate armor is no match for the Vulcan nerve pinch.

There is a minor precedence for this: in the episode of “Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog” where Triumph makes fun of Star Wars fans standing in line for the opening of one of the Star Wars movies, a guy dressed as Spock arrives and flips everyone off. Hopefully the Renaissance Faire people would have more of a sense of humor.

OK, I know some of you are wondering, where is the monkey in this scheme? Well, I could get a monkey-sized Star Trek uniform, and train a monkey to go up to people and scan them with a “tricorder”. When the person being scanned acts surprised, I could explain “Do not be afraid. My science officer is making standard readings so that we might better understand the biology of your species. However, I recommend not making any aggressive moves, as Mr. Tibbles may throw his feces at you if alarmed”.

This week was the second episode of “Project Runway”. Last week, if you recall, I mentioned a certain designer that I found very annoying. He lost this week, and I felt really bad for him. In an interview clip, he talked about how his mother told him that he’d never be a designer and how he was going to use “Project Runway” to prove to his mother that he could make it in the fashion industry. It seems he has some serious issues, and his arrogance is just a façade. However, his gown design was horrible….it looked like furry earthworms were crawling across the model’s chest.

I haven’t been getting much feedback lately, so I hope that people are enjoying the blog. If there is anything in particular that you’d like me to write about, I take requests.

Another use for your dictionary besides Scrabble

I’ve invented a new internet gambling game. Unlike other games-of-chance, however, no money actually travels over the internet, making the game perfectly legal. Instead, the internet is the game. Here’s how it works: two people place an equal bet in the pot (say, a dollar each). One player then takes a dictionary, closes his or her eyes, and randomly chooses a word by first flipping to any page and then pointing to an entry. The internet is then checked for an active webpage using that word as the URL. For example, if the word “microfeeder” is chosen, "www.microfeeder.com" is then entered in a web browser. If that address is valid (it turns out that the above URL is for a company selling some sort of large animal feeder), the player who picked the word wins the pot. Otherwise, the other player wins. For the next round, the role of word-chooser is switched.

Here are some other rules:

1) After picking a word, on agreement of both players, the size of the bet can be increased.

2) If a search page appears, the page is “under construction”, or it is obvious that the URL is being held for future use, that counts as a loss for the word-chooser.

3) Only “.com” addresses are valid, although other domains could be declared in-play by agreement of the players.

4) Obvious variations of a word, such a plural form or different tense for a verb, are valid.

5) If a site is password protected, or is x-rated, the losing player has to double the amount they added to the pot. For example, if the bet is $2, the loser has to pay an extra $2.

6) If the site is child pornography, both players split the legal costs after the FBI comes to investigate.

I should stress that this game is under development; any feedback is welcome.

Cheap Chinese food

For lunch today I had some General Tso’s Chicken; while eating, I started wondering about the story behind this ubiquitous American-Chinese dish. Is it really Chinese in origin? Who was General Tso, and did he like fried chicken kibbles in spicy-sour sauce? Is the brilliant orange color of the sauce obtained from uranium oxide, much like antique Fiesta Ware, or is it a lead-based glaze? I thought that this might be an opportunity to examine a bit of history and maybe even contribute something original to the collective knowledge of the web.
Well, it turns out that more than one person had the same idea. Not only is there a Wikipedia article on General Tso’s Chicken, someone has a dedicated web page highlighting the dish. Even the Washington Post has dedicated valuable page space to the topic. In turns out that everyone agrees that G.T.C. was “invented” in the 1970’s, but there are two competing theories as to who created it. I’m sure the debate would make for some lively discussion between the two sides; maybe my contribution to this area of study could be to organize an international symposium on faux Chinese cuisine (it would have to be international since they apparently also have the dish in Canada).

I'm now taking applications for a new fantasy TV love interest

At one time, when she was an anchor on “MTV News”, I had a big crush on Tabitha Soren. Not only was she cute, she seemed to be a smart cookie to boot. Then I saw her get wasted on “Celebrity Jeopardy!”; she didn’t just lose, she actually had a negative score at the end of the game, making her ineligible for Final Jeopardy.

Now I’ve completely soured on another TV celebrity…..Rachael Ray. Actually, I can’t say that I ever had a “crush” on her, it’s more like I’ve felt that I should, but wasn’t quite sure what I really thought. Over the last year or so, however, I’ve slowly become irritated at her (too many cookbooks, her own magazine, etc.). Now that I hear she’s getting her own daytime show, it’s over. Rachael, if you’re reading my blog, even if you someday get divorced, things just won’t work out between us. But if it makes you feel better, it’s not you, it’s me.

Procrastination

Tonight I was going to go to the Laundromat and do about 6 loads of laundry, but I just didn’t get around to going (although I did get everything sorted by color and wash temperature). Not having my own washer/dryer is a bit inconvenient at times, although at the Laundromat you get everything done in a few hours. Plus there is always an odd assortment of weirdos there. One time I saw this man who looked just like the Simpson's Comic Book Guy (large, with ponytail) throw someting in the trash, only to pause for several seconds as he obviously glanced something of interest in the barrel. He reached in, pulled out a black thong brief (or bikini? I couldn't tell), held it up light to better get an idea if it was something he wanted, and then carried it away as if if was the score of a lifetime.

I have enough clothes for tomorrow, but I’m going to have to wear uncomfortable underwear (those scratchy wool boxers…they give me hives every time I wear them). Also, I’ll have to pick out some clothes from the bottom of the barrel…..maybe my hobo costume, or a Burberry jogging outfit. (Work has a fairly loose dress code…as long as there is no “lack of appropriate undergarments” I’m OK).

Why I love the internet

I just ordered this movie.

5 things I think are overated that others may strongly disagree with

1) The band “KISS”. Sure, a few of their songs rocked, but other bands (e.g. AC/DC) rocked even harder. And their last album was horrible. I do have to admit that Gene Simmons is a master marketer, however, and I give him respect for that. I read a funny story today about how Al Franken kicked his ass at racquetball.

2) The art of Georgia O’Keefe. Although she was not without talent, I think much of her fame comes from her legend. Besides, I tire easily of vagina-flowers, and am not a big fan of southwestern art in general (although I won’t claim that all is bad, just much of it). My Georgia O’Keefe connection: she was from Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, the same place my family was from before moving to North Dakota. I have no proof (my great-grandfather being dead for 50 years now), but I’m fairly certain our families would’ve known each other (surprisingly, my family was fairly prominent in the area……don’t ask what happened).

3) Although the flavor is not bad, I can easily pass up watermelon. There are so many other types of melons worthy of our attention, although I’m often ridiculed when, at summer picnics, I try to organize a casaba-seed spitting contest. And those honeydews, they are oh-so succulent and juicy!

4) Breast augmentation surgery just doesn’t cut it in my book. It’s like the difference in artificial vanilla flavoring and real vanilla bean extract. Besides, size is only one of 23 physical breast characteristics recognized by the AMA…the American Man Association. And we won’t even mention what happens when a foreign object is placed in the body. But just because I’m not into fake breasts doesn’t mean I won’t reserve the right to someday get pec implants… I hear they’re necessary if you want to pursue a career as a male exotic dancer.

5) Vodka martinis, in addition to not being martinis (they’re a cocktail….only the cocktail made with gin and vermouth is a martini), are really lacking in any sort of interesting flavor. I’ll stand by my gin any day. There’s a gin called “Bafferts” that tries to appeal to vodka drinkers by being less-intensely flavored; I think that this should be illegal!

Wednesday night TV for the next 10 weeka

Tonight was the first episode of the new season of “Project Runway”, another of my guilty pleasures that often lead to harassment by friends and/or coworkers. It’s too early to say who I like the best/least, but there is one designer who I’d easily rate as the most annoying……..if you read his bio, he doesn’t seem too bad of a guy, but he is fairly cocky and has an accent that has a certain fakeness to it (I’ll admit it may be real, but it does seem cultivated to some degree).

One thing I was disappointed by was the previews of the show……I really thought there was going to be more drama (i.e. someone getting kicked off the show for reasons other than losing a challenge) than there was. Hopefully that’ll be coming up soon.

(I apologize for any cable TV references for those who do not have access to this greatest of American media forms).

Now “Star Trek: TNG” is on. I’m going to have to shift the title of “Most annoying ST:TNG” character from Deanna Troi to Wesley Crusher. I know I’m not alone on this, since eventually he became a bit player on the show.

Dinner anyone?

I’ve had a plan for a few years to cook a meal using only recipes from my “Liberace Cooks!” cookbook, but haven’t gotten around to it yet. Part of the problem is be that most of the people I’ve had over for dinner recently are younger, and may not find the same cultural significance to the meal that I would place on it.

The cookbook was published in 1970; I would say that many of the recipes are a bit more sophisticated than those found in something like a Betty Crockett cookbook (but still with plenty of “down home cooking”, and a few Polish recipes thrown in for good measure…..Liberace’s mother was Polish). Recipe examples include “Baked Stuffed Mostaccioli”, “Lobster Newburg”, and “Broiled Frankfurters”. Based on my reading of the contents, I would say that the flavors contained within the cookbook are a bit on the mild side for our “modern” tastes.

I bought my copy on eBay for something like $30-35, but I notice that someone has a copy for sale right now for $115, and that copy is missing the dust jacket! Of course mine still does….here’s a picture of the cover.




Notice the “Lover” apron that Liberace is wearing…very ironic in the context of his hidden ravenous appetite for young lads.

Killing time

I'm a bit under the weather tonight (I've felt sick since yesterday, and seriously thought about stayng home from work today) and not really feeling clever enough to write anything substantial. I've been playing around a bit with Google Earth...if you haven't downloaded this tool yet, you should. A great way to waste some time. You can find my apartment at

35°07'22.49" N 106°39'07.40" W

No stalkers please!

You can see a big green tarp that was spread out in my backyard (the tarp provided shade for my smoker apparatus that I used in making my own bacon).

Lobsters

This afternoon, while at the gym, I started reading “The Secret Life of Lobsters” by Trevor Corson. A fascinating read that includes the stories of Maine lobster fishermen and lobster scientists, as well as fascinating information about the biology of these creatures. If you don’t have time to read the book, check out Trevor Corson’s blog in which he discusses various lobster issues, including the recent decision by Whole Foods to stop carrying live lobsters (another example of that companies fake feel-good marketing….don’t get me started……if you don’t want to boil the lobster alive, you can quickly kill it with a knife before cooking, a death that is less cruel than the machine that Whole Food’s large non-sustainable fishing corporation supplier will use to process them....read the blog!).

Anyway, as an example of the interesting trivia found in that book, lobster molting is regulated by glands located in the animal’s eye stalks. If you cut off a lobster's eyes, it’ll shed it's shell.

This evening I was trying to find out if there are any slot machine tournaments coming up at any of the half dozen or so local Indian casinos. I didn’t find any…….I’ve been thinking for quite a while that signing up for one would be quite the cultural experience. Slot machines are already ridiculous without making them into a pointless competition. (As a related aside, the other day I saw that ESPN is now carrying professional Dominoes tournaments……they’ve already ruined Poker and Blackjack in the same way that “Girls gone Wild” makes naked women uninteresting, and so are stretching for any new content…..I’m sure high-stakes Monopoly is just around the corner).

Finally, next weekend I'm planning on making some cookies. I don't know what kind yet (maybe lobster), but if anyone wants a few drop me a line. and I'll send you some...let me know if there's any cookie ingredient that you can't eat.

Sausages and anteaters

Tonight I walked over to the grocery store to pick up a couple cans of Vienna Sausages for Sean, since his father-in-law’s tractor turned out to be a 1948 Ferguson (I bought Armour brand, because I hear they use only the finest quality mechanically separated chicken, beef anus by-products, and pork mucus gland extract). The sausages are packed in some sort of fluid…….although we didn’t specify how the sausages were to be served, I’m sure the “broth” would taste better warmed up. But it’s up to Sean how he’d like to eat the sausages; I have seen him shoot a glass of room-temperature chicken juice, so this is another area of expertise for him.

In the summer, my yard is even more useless than the rest of the year because of the large number of ant hills. This has got me thinking, would an anteater make a good pet? Going to the internet machine, I find this link that describes just such a situation. Anteaters aren’t too affectionate (apparently they can learn to tolerate humans, and like to have their head scratched), but that doesn’t matter since all I want is something to eat the ants, an activity that they are very good at. If they attack with their sharp claws, they can be dangerous, but otherwise they like to lick things with their sticky tongue. If people can keep boa constrictors as pets, you should be able to have an anteater (it seems that every year you hear about some weird snake guy getting killed by his overly-large constricting snake).

Speaking of pets and sausages, I talked to a friend today who bought a pet turtle a month ago. Apparently, she tried a number of foods for the turtle before she found something that it liked: barbequed sausage. I hope that she expands its diet before it gets some sort of sausage-related vitamin deficiency.

Yet more wagering

Last night I made another bet with Sean, and I’m afraid to say that I lost this one. The bet? Was “Mama’s Family” a 70’s or 80’s TV show? I swore that it was the former, but I didn’t realize that Sean had such extensive knowledge of this show, apparently from being a regular viewer (he also has the superhuman-like power of being able to identify the title and artist of any 80’s hair band song). Our wager…..a polish sausage from the hot dog guy downtown.

I did win another wager, though, with a visiting friend, about whether it was Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Jefferson who wanted to make the Turkey the national bird (of course it was Franklin).

A short visit to Arizona

(Note: this post written yesterday on the palne trip back from AZ)

Today I went and paid an afternoon visit to my grandmother in Arizona; she still has a man living out in back of her place that I call “Shed Guy”. I’m not sure how Shed Guy (aka “Dave”) ended up in her back yard, but he’s been there for several years now. He does odd jobs for my grandmother (she paid him something like $2.00/hour to paint her house, an amount she justified by saying that he never really worked that hard) and generally serves as an aggravating foil (she needs someone to get annoyed at); although he is a serious alcoholic (he’s not eligible to get his drivers license back until 2026), I don’t think my grandmother would be able to stay in her current house without him around (she’s almost 84, and in poor health).

The last time I visited, Shed Guy showed me how to find tarantulas. They live inside holes that are spread out all over the yard……I always thought that rodents lived in these burrows.

Here’s a photo of the shed.



And here are Shed Guy’s chickens. It’s surprising how four chickens can make the whole yard (including the front) smell bad.



And finally, Shed Guy himself, cursing up a storm while trying to fix the swamp cooler. He’s taught my grandmother a few new words recently……



My grandmother lives near two towns, Coolidge and Florence. Florence has a bit of old town charm, but is mostly known for the several prisons located on the edge of town. Incarceration is the main county industry. Today, as I usually do when in the area, I visited the prison craft outlet. It’s full of handcrafted leather wallets, beaded jewelry, and hand-painted (or sometimes just colored-in-the-lines) pictures of popular themes such as Disney characters or comic book heroes; this “art” is generally over-priced and crude at best. Maybe they need to charge $36 for a picture of Spider Man so they can cover their lawyer’s retainer for the inevitable copyright infringement suits. Although the picture frames decorated with pagan symbols and the oddly-proportioned hand-crocheted stuffed alligators looked especially appealing today, I didn’t buy anything (actually, I’ve never made a purchase there, but Christmas is creeping up on us……).

At the hardware store in Florence, I noticed a set of tools with a package labeled “Distributed in the USA” below a little American flag. That made me think: it’s bad enough that the screwdrivers were made in China, but it’d be horrible if they were also distributed over there and you had to fly overseas to buy them.

Coolidge really has no redeeming qualities. Think of the armpitiest town you’ve ever visited in the US: double the hairiness and you’ve got Coolidge. I had to go there today to pick up some cooler parts; the cooler shop was notable not only for not being cool inside (and thus probably being one of the more ironic places in the city), but also for selling Mary Kay cosmetics. For a company that prides itself on its image (think pink Cadillacs), Mary Kay doesn’t seem to have very high standards for their distributorships.

Back from Boston.

It’s been a few days since I’ve last posted, but I’ve been swamped with activities in Boston. I’m on the plane now, headed back to Phoenix (I’ll be visiting my Grandmother tomorrow before flying home to ABQ). I had a good time on my trip……nothing too crazy but definitely fun. Kerry’s 40th birthday party on Saturday night was a blast; although there were only about 20 people there, many guests came into town just for the event, including Sean I, Danielle and Sean II (the numbers referring to the chronological order of the Seans), Kerry’s mom, uncle (and uncle’s partner), and Jeff Anthis, in addition to myself. I forgot my flash card drive at home, so I can’t post pictures yet, but I will (although, as I’ve already mentioned, there was nothing crazy going on).

Every time I get together with my friends they remind me of things that happened to me or that I said that I have absolutely no memory of (not because of drunkenness, just because I spaced out I guess). For example, the other day Kerry mentioned how I was harassed by a waitress in a chicken pot pie restaurant in Anaheim, CA. The most famous case of one of my fugue-related memory lapses, however, involved the Circle K across the street from where I lived in Tucson. Apparently I made the claim at least once that I could be the ruler of that Circle K. I guess I could have, but we’ll never know since the store closed and became a generic mini-mart and if I’m going to rule over a convenience store I want to set my sights high.

This weekend I made three bets with friends; I’ve already won one, another I’m sure I’ll win, and the third I think I have a pretty good chance on. The first bet was with Danielle, and involved the ability of cats to taste sugar. I said cats can’t; since I was correct she owes me a sushi dinner. Jeff didn’t believe my item about Matt Damon playing Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek movie, and so he’ll be sending me a bottle of good gin. Finally, Sean Madden made the claim that his father-in-law’s tractor was from the 1920’s; although I’ve never seen the tractor, I was skeptical of the age from Sean’s description and my knowledge of what antique tractors look like (last year my office calendar theme was antique tractors). I’m fairly confident that Sean will be eating a pound of canned Vienna sausages (including the juices), although I’ll admit that there is a chance that I’ll be eating a pound of coleslaw at once (this is a left-over from a previous dare that never was followed through). I must admit that I’m always surprised that people never learn that they shouldn’t tangle with me.

Arrival in Boston.

I had a plan to save $200 on my trip to Boston; I booked a cheap redeye flight on JetBlue from Phoenix, with a quick trip to Phoenix on Southwest. I arranged it so that my Southwest flight would get me to Arizona three hours early, plenty of time to catch the flight on the other airline. However, I didn’t anticipate the freak storm in ABQ that would delay my departure by three hours, causing me to miss the JetBlue flight (my plane was diverted to Amarillo for refueling after holding over ABQ for about 45 minutes while the airport was closed). I showed my resourcefulness as a traveler, however, and promptly rebooked my JetBlue flight to fly to JFK (the only later flight from Phoenix…it ended up leaving about 1 a.m.). I got into JFK about 9 a.m, took the subway to Penn station, and caught the Amtrak to Boston. So I made it, even if it took me 10 extra hours.

For dinner last night, I had shabu shabu with Jeff and Kerry.

Since there hasn’t been anything entertaining in this post, I’m including a photo of Cleo, Jeff and Kerry’s cat.

Tonight is the big party at the Silvertone. I'll try and have some good pictures posted tomorrow.....

Probably no post tomorrow.

In case anyone is reading this, I will be travelling tomorrow night to Boston; I most likely will not be doing any posting until Friday.

A wandering mind is a dangerous thing.

Ever since I visited India and saw monkeys in the "wild", I've been obsessed with the thought of feeding a monkey a donut, easily one of the funniest imagesI can think of. It's not like it would be the worst thing someone has done to one of these animals (outside of Mumbai, I watched as a boy went up to a money sitting on a railing and give it a good smack.....predictably, it went nuts and started lunging at people, howling and baring it's teeth). I may even go to hell for doing this, but if you're going to be damned, it's important to have a good reason.

Well, it turns out I wasn't the only person with this idea....

http://www.acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_pages/0025-0507-3112-0725.html

If I were to do this, however, I wouldn't be charging anyone nearly $300 for a copy of the photo. No sir-ee, I'd distribute the photo for free, sharing my vision with the world, helping make children smile and the infirmed forget their condition. Also, I wouldn't use a spider monkey; observation of this species at the local zoo has revealed that the females possess grotesque genitalia (i.e. an almost prehensile vulva) that would really detract from any comedic effect. A monkey such as the macaque (what I saw in India) would be much funnier. Also, a gem donut just doesn’t cut it....it has to be a full size donut, maybe a plain cake donut or a French cruller. I like donuts with coconut sprinkles, but I think monkeys like to keep clean and I always get coconut all over myself.

Here is a link to a Japanese donut chain, Mister Donut (pronounced mis-ta donatsu in Japanese);

http://www.misterdonut.jp/index.html

I must say that the donuts look mightily delicious here; the Japanese seem to have surpassed us in yet another critical technology, perhaps with the aid of “just-in-time” supply of pastry fillings, or with special donut-producing robotic devices (I believe the Krispy Kreme donut machine utilizes only mid-20th century processing expertise). An especially funny variation of the feeding-donuts-to-a-monkey fantasy: when in Japan next year, rent a monkey (anyone have a lead here? Maybe my guidebook will have some pertinent listings…..), enter a Mister Donut, and yell at the donut serfs “Saru wa donatsu ga tabetai! Ima donatsu ga motte kitte! (translation: Monkey wants to eat donuts! Bring donuts now!). Maybe I’ll have to settle on a stuffed monkey toy, but come to think of it, that might be even more insane……..

A slow day

Nothing too exciting happened today, but in the interest of keeping up the habit of updating my blog on a daily basis, I'm going to make a power tool recommendation......

http://www.milwaukeeconnect.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product3_27_40027_-1_284262_281137_189333_362

With 8.0 amps of power, you'll find that this 1/2" drill has plenty of torque for any job around the house. Yet at only 5.4 lbs, the well-balanced design won't leave you with a sore arm (unless the large-diameter hole saw you're using binds up, in which case you may find your arm nearly broken....I speak from experience).

An aside: From now on, use the word "Frinkahedron" instead of "cube". It's a Simpsons refererence, from the episode where Homer enters the 3rd dimension; Prof. Frink uses the word to describe the geometric object that you get when you extend a 2D square along the z-axis, named after the man who discovered it.

So I'm a nerd......

This evening we had a wicked (rainless) thunderstorm that blew out the power in my neighborhood (although the Bingo hall down the street was unaffected......I guess the city managers have their priorities). After sitting in the dark for a few minutes, I realized it was still light outside and so left for an hour or so. After returning, the cable was still out and so I was unable to catch “Star Trek: Next Generation”. I hate to admit this, but I may be a latent Trekkie. I’ve never been to a convention, and I’ve only ever watched “TNG” and the original series (although a strike against me is the fact that I can name all of the other shows……”Deep Space Nine”, “Voyager”, and “Enterprise”), but self-described Star Trek fans have commented on my extensive knowledge of the show, and I do hold show-based opinions of strength normally reserved for TV-related debates such as “Mary Ann vs. Ginger”, “KITT vs. the A-Team van”, or “Alf: television’s most underrated sit-com?”. For example, in “NG”, there’s just way too much talking about feelings. I really think that if man achieves the dream of interstellar travel, there’ll be better things to do besides use our warp capabilities to enable interpersonal drama. Also, for all the advancements in special effects between the original series and "NG", the technical feel of the latter really isn't that much better than the 60's version.

As a related aside, if you haven't seen the "Twilight Zone" episodes with William Shatner, you're missing out. Also, if you haven't heard, Matt Damon will play Captain Kirk in the new "Star Trek" movie.....

Very first entry.....

OK, after months of procrastination, I've finally taken the plunge and started my own blog (thanks to P. for the shove). Hopefully I can use this medium to relate some of my minor (and maybe major?) day-to-day adventures as well as witty commentary of everday life. My only two rules: no politics, and nothing that will damage any realtionship with friends, family, or potential employers. Well, maybe a bit of the latter, but hopefully nothing too serious.

This week will be a busy one at work....I need to finish a paper or two before I head off the Boston this Thursday for my friend Kerry's 40th Birthday. It should be a good time....lots of good people will be there (and by good, I mean entertaining). Sean will be with his family in Connecticut, and will drive over to Boston for Saturday night; I'm sure that many a bottle of Plymouth Gin will fall. The Silvertone (the place of the celebration) makes a mean martini, but I've always thought that they filled the glass too full. A critical factor in drink quality is that of temperature. If the drink is too full, the drink becomes warm before you can finish it and it doesn't taste good. Gin definately needs to be served cold.