Why America's cats are getting fat

Carless pt. 2

I’ve been getting back into riding my bike, a consequence of the two days I had no other transportation (today I went on a 25 mile trek, and last night I went on a ca. 5 mile midnight ride along the bosque……I love riding at night); I’m going to try and bring my camera to document some of the things that I see. Here are some sights of note, all within a few miles of my place….

The Rio Grande is just a few miles away (the bosque is the area along the banks of the river).



No, the river isn’t chocolate, like Willy Wonka’s river. It’s just a bit on the muddy side.

The Atomic Museum moved into the old REI building in Old Town, a temporary home until a new building is constructed somewhere else. They’ve erected a Redstone missile in front of the Museum; it’s been pretty controversial to some of the residents of the area. In my opinion, the t-shirt shops have already ruined Old Town. The missile is there only temporarily, and it’s actually an important part of our history. Besides, this rocket was also used to send the first Americans into space….I found that pretty surprising, given it’s small size.



Finally, this locomotive is being restored and will, in a few years, pull passengers on trips from the “Wheels” museum, if that place is ever actually built.

Does William Shatner have a toupee?

Last Sunday was the “Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner”. It had it’s moments, but I thought that too much of the humor involved jokes about George Takei’s homosexuality. George Takei thought it was all funny, and I guess some of the jokes were amusing, but it seemed that card was played way too much. Andy Dick was as strange as ever. Betty White was old. The big news, however, was how unfunny Farrah Fawcet was. It’s not only that she can’t tell a joke; she never seemed to laugh at anything (of course, there were a few boners.....no pun intended......sent in her direction). I can’t say I ever drooled over Farrah Fawcet, but not being funny has made her pretty unattractive to me.

I've got skills.....

I made a rare trip to Walmart the other night; while there, I noticed that the Portrait Studio had a sign in front of it that said “closed for disinfection”. You think that you’re taking your child in for a lasting memory, but instead you get a skin fungus or maybe even pink eye.

I played $2 in the 25¢ claw machine, and won 3 stuffed animals. One thing Walmart is good for is their large selection of claw machines, making it a fine place for a claw machine ace such as myself to show off my skill.

Did you know.......

The closest living relative to whales and dolphins is the hippopotamus?

Too much Star Trek viewing

Tonight I was watching “Star Trek: NG”: Lt. Worf , while part of an “away team” on a planet riddled with electrical interference, stated that his tricorder was “dysfunctional”. Does that mean it was engaging in passive-aggressive behavior, or maybe it was continuously belittling the operator? If I were the script editor, I would’ve picked another way of describing the situation……

Christmas shopping idea....

Near where I live, there are two different truck stops within a 5 minute drive (my proximity would come in handy if I ever wanted to procure a $10 blow job from one of the so-called “lot lizards”). Of the two, “Love’s” is defiantly the kookiest. Besides snacks and sandwiches (there’s an integral Subway located inside), they sell lots of trinkets and gift items (glass animals, NASCAR hats, stuffed animals, etc.) as well as trucker supplies. Amongst the last category are appliances that can run off your cigarette lighter. The most ridiculous of these is easily the frying pan. I don’t think I need to describe why this is probably a horrible idea. “Oh, I’m sorry officer……..I didn’t see the stop sign because I was flipping my pancakes. Could I interest you in a sausage patty?”.

After checking with my car insurance company to be certain that my policy covered grease fires, I went over to Love’s to pick up one of these fry pans. And they no longer stocked them! But they did have a pizza oven: the box said (I’m not making this up, like I did the desire to buy the frying pan) “It’s like having a pizzeria in your vehicle!”.

A good story for a nerd party

At one time, the English language had four letters not found today. Only one of those letters survived into Middle English (i.e. the time of Chaucer), the letter ‘thorn’, written as ‘Þ' and pronounced as ‘th’. Eventually this letter was modified by scribes so that it looked like ‘y’ (I’ve also heard that the first printing type in England came from continental Europe and didn’t have a ‘Þ’, so the letter was replaced in printing with ‘y’.....I don’t know which story is true, although the shift in the character definitely happened). That’s the origin of the mock archaic word ‘ye’ as in “Ye Olde Curiosity Shop”; because the ‘y’ was really a ‘th’, the ‘ye’ should actually be pronounced ‘the’.

Carless pt. 3

Here's what happened when I went to pick up my car on Saturday........the account is from the letter that I sent to the Service Manager at Garcia Honda (as well as the General Manager and also Honda Customer Service). Hopefully it's not too rambling. It was one of those experiences that you can't believe is happening becasue it's so ridiculous.

Dear General Manager,

On Saturday, August 12, I picked up my vehicle from your department after (amongst other work) the installation of a new starter. As I was preparing to leave, I discovered that my electric locks were no longer functioning. Also, my passive security system (a remote button that must be pressed to enable the ignition; the same button also remotely operates the door locks) was not operating. It appeared to me that it may have been disabled, a logical step in troubleshooting the problem with my car (my car, a 1993 Accord, would not start and I had to have it towed to your location).

I reached under the dash to pull down the security system box, to make sure that all cables were in place. Along with the box, a disconnected wire harness that I did not recognize dropped down.

I alerted your service representative, Mr. X, and he came over to look at the problem. What followed I consider to be one of the worst examples of customer service I have ever encountered. Mr. X explained to me that if there was a problem with my security system, then I’d have to go to an alarm shop to have them look at it. I tried to get my point across that the system was fully functional before I had the car dropped off (as evidenced by the remote operation of the electric locks, even if the car would not start). He countered that my system was old, and that you had no wiring diagram for it, so there was nothing that could be done. When pressed, Mr. X offered (apparently to humor me)to have it looked at when I brought my car in for a tune-up that I have scheduled for August 23rd. He also brought up, as evidence of problems with my security system that were out of Garcia Honda’s control, a totally irrelevant previous incident in your shop when, after having my thermostat replaced, my car would not start. My security system was initially blamed for that issue, but after nearly two hours of looking at my car (and two extra hours of me sitting in your waiting room), your technician realized he had improperly connected a
component of my car’s electrical system. Even after I corrected his recollection of this incident, Mr. X refused to concede that my problem was caused by Garcia Honda. (To his credit, he did briefly look under my hood, although the wiring harness was in the passenger compartment).

Needless to say, I left in a very negative mood. After returning home, I found a flashlight, got down on the ground, and examined the wiring underneath my dash. Within 60 seconds, I had found the problem: the security system had indeed been bypassed during the servicing of my vehicle. It was quite obvious how the dangling wiring harness connected into my car’s electrical system, and my security system/lock remote now works perfectly fine.

What bothers me is not the mistake that your technician made, but rather, the somewhat condescending attitude of Mr. X and his refusal to even entertain the idea that Garcia Honda might be at fault. If, like the vast majority of the population, I was not mechanically inclined, and actually had to take my car in to another shop, I could have wasted my valuable time (even if, as suggested by Mr. X, Garcia Honda ould have reimbursed me for the expense of the repair if determined to be the fault of Garcia Honda). All for 60 seconds of time with a flashlight!

I’m now debating whether or not to return to your business for my vehicle servicing needs, or to try another organization (i.e. Perfection Honda). I am sure, however, that my experience will weigh upon the minds of my many Honda-owning friends when they ask me for advice as to where to get their vehicle serviced.

Carless pt. 2 should follow soon.....

Carless pt. 1 (a three part story)

On Thursday morning my car wouldn’t start, and I had to get a tow truck to take it to my mechanic. While sitting in the cab of the tow truck (I didn’t know Ford made an ‘F650’), the driver asked me how to spell my name. After I gave him the correct spelling, he stated that he was wondering about my name because the dispatcher had sent him (via a text message) a name that didn’t make any sense to him at all. He showed me the text message…., “Dunphy” was spelled “Donxiy”!

I rode in the tow truck to the mechanic’s, and was subjected to ultra right wing talk radio. I have to admit that I don’t like talk radio in general, but this was especially heinous.

Next: two day with no car

Target playing more games with me

I went to Target today to buy some shampoo, and was once again disappointed to find that they no longer carry the brand that I like (Redken “go clean for men”). Instead of looking all over for this particular hair care product, I decided to try something new. I picked up a bottle of American Crew “Citrus mint” shampoo, along with a bottle of the “Citrus mint” conditioner. I’m sure some will find my choice ridiculous (i.e. SPM), but I’ve often wondered how I could reconcile my love of both Rutaceae and mentha in one formulation. My dream has been fulfilled!

As a related aside, my hair product arrived in the mail this week. However, I didn’t realize that I’d ordered a larger can of forming cream than the one I’ve been using. By my estimate, I have an 18-24 month supply of product now. I’m stalked up for WW III now! Bring it on! My hair will be just fine.....

Speaking of Target, I saw a guy wearing a shirt there that said, in Japanese kanji, "ichiban", which would loosly be translated as "I'm #1!". Didn't those shirts go out in the 70's, or is it cool to recycle cliches, as long as they're in a foreign language that most people can't understand?

Back to the blogging, after a bit of laziness…..

One of my favorite songs on the Zero 7 album “the garden” is “waiting to die”; I love the lines

“Yes, it is true, death is everyone’s fate
But we’ve made it this far, it’s time to celebrate”

I quoted these lines the other day to someone who said she didn’t like to celebrate her birthday.

Miscellanea pt. 1

Here's a list of things that most people probably don't know about me:

Guitars owned: Fender Squire Telecaster, Gibson Standard SG, Fender American Stratocaster (my newest…only bought it because I got a deal I couldn’t refuse)

Guitar Amps: Roland Micro Cube, Fender ’77 Deluxe Reverb (previous owner was Paula Jean Brown, ex-Giant Sand and Go Go’s member)

Can I actually play the guitar?: Not very well

Topics that friends have banned me from talking about at one time or another: Working at Safeway, Cricket (the game), Star Trek

Least smoothest thing I’ve ever done: Dumped a frosted brownie into the lap of a girl at summer camp, frosting side down. Of course, there are many other close contenders. I admit to being smooth only in theory.

Vertebrate animals that I’ve killed: I euthanized a mortally wounded bat once with a shovel.

Interesting animals I’ve seen around my apartment: Roadrunner (a regular visitor), giant puffy toad.

Strangest food I’ve ever eaten: Coagulated duck blood (in Beijing)

Strangest restaurant name I’ve seen: “Donkey Meat City” (also in Beijing)

Easiest way to annoy me: Be both uninteresting and chatty

Clothes that friends have banned me from wearing: “Freon” baseball cap

Superhuman abilities: Immunity to movies about giant or monstrous animals, ability to remember interesting details about people (even if I can’t remember their name), super grooviness.

Most underrated vegetable: Any type of squash (technically a fruit, but close enough)

Sample of music I’ve been listening to recently: Zero 7, The Replacements, Shonen Knife, Iggy Pop, The Geraldine Fibbers, Devo, Boards of Canada, Dusty Springfield “Dusty in Memphis”

Funk is dead

For almost a year, I’ve been reading “Funk: The Music, The People, and The Rhythm of One” by Rickey Vincent; it’s been a slow read because I find his style (hipster music journalist) a bit hard to slog through. Although mush of the content is interesting, I keep finding sweeping generalizations and unfortunate biases that lessen the value of this historical/social narrative. For example, Disco is dismissed as simply a rip-off of black Funk music. While I agree that Funk is a major influence of Disco, I seem to remember from my “History of Pop Music” class that there are many more important influences (for example, Latin music).

While walking through Downtown last night, peeking into clubs and watching the bands within, I got to thinking that a supreme irony of life is that most bands that advertise themselves as “funk” related are actually very unfunky. As is contemporary pop music. Blech!

To change the subject, I’ve been working on a few tricks with my new yo-yo. The bearing axle makes tricks like “Rock the Cradle” much easier because the yo-yo can seemingly sleep forever.

Another internet order

Another admission: I’ve started using hair product. At first it was to tame my cowlick, but now I fear I’m on the slippery slope to Metrosexuality (I also regularly groom my eyebrows, but in my defense it’s only because as I’ve gotten older, I’ve sprouted a few crazy eyebrow hairs that if left unchecked would grow to a point that I could comb them across my forehead to hide my slowly receding hairline.) Anyway, it took me a while to find a product that met my criteria of a matte finish with only a moderate amount of hold (I don’t want plastic hair). But soon after I found this product (American Crew Forming Crème), Target stopped carrying it. I’ve checked all over, and all I can find is either the American Crew Pomade (too shiny) or Fiber Crème (too stiff). So I’ve had to order it on the Internet. What does that say about the direction of my life?

Who put me on this list?

For some reason, Victoria’s Secret keeps sending me cards good for free woman’s underwear; the other day I received an offer for a free cotton panty, along with $10 off any bra (including The Body, which seems to have something to do with Heidi Klum). Actually, I got two of the cards. Somehow my name was duplicated in their data base (albeit with slightly different spellings of my name), allowing me to score twice on my birthday with not one but two $10 gift certificates.

I’ve been thinking it would be funny to go in and redeem one of these cards. Somebody will have to go with me, though, and I’ll be needing a drink or two beforehand. I’ve always wondered what my panty size is……